Aikidoka

2006-05-21T07:02:00.000-07:00

This will be THE last entry. My life will now be a PRIVATE one now,without the knowledge of unwanted and unappreciated audience. My friends, to offer no window of what is happening in my current life now will be defeating all purposes of writing a blog form the begining as attended. My life now has nothing to offer me but blood, toil, tears and sweat ahead. However never in my life has so much been owed towards so few. The mid-year exams has ended with bring some what detrimenting effect towards my confidence but i expect the prelims would be a much more better one. The flame of confidence must not and shall not die, the passing the N level cost so much. I cannot and will not let history reapeat itself. I am sorry but however its a pity I have to close this blog but however it affects family relation. I am posting my new blog entry in friendster with a password so don't bother checking it out but MY FRIENDS please do check it out :)

Back again...

2006-05-09T00:14:00.000-07:00

I am back once more after months being away. Why you may ask? Well, this is the most trying times of my current life. I lied to my cousin, telling her that I forgot my password but then it was truly because I was too lazy to update this blog. I am sorry Sonia. The last time, my education seemed bloom with excellence. However this time round things became, I don’t know how to put it. I am returning to my old ways. During social studies exam I was dumbstruck, this was not a paper on O level basis it was based on N level basis and I couldn’t answer it. Social Studies have always been my strongest subject. The reason behind the failure, I was lazy. Instead of sitting upright and aggressively writing the essay like I always do. I spent my time writing about an essay on the ‘Contribution of factors due to my decline.’ I have no one to blame but myself. Oh, but this time round get ready i am charging at prelims at unstoppable manner.

2005-12-30T01:28:00.000-08:00

So I have passed with an A2 grade for both Humanities and English. So, life has put me at the top of the school at the most difficult environment to study but however this is just the beginning. More difficulties in life are yet to present itself to me. 2005 has been a hard year for me. A very hard year but nonetheless I made it through the rain. Thanks with the help of Kendo and Aikido. Not forgetting the Sensei’s too. Lee Sensei caught me in the toilet, well with tears rolling down me checks. I was so shocked when he said ‘As long as she is happy.’ He then just smiled and said ‘Nice blog huh.’ Well I saw her out with her new boyfriend. It totally distracted my training at Kendo. Well just like Lee Sensei said life is like Kendo it’s meant to be hard or not everyone would be a Kendo master. As long as she is happy that is all. I hope well, life will be better this time round. I try my best not to cry over you because every tear is just a reminder that I just do not know how to let you go. Well, the life journey is far and unpredictable time to get ready for it.

2005-11-27T21:03:00.000-08:00

Time has moved so fast. Just as I thought that I was adjusting myself to the new school called Pasir Ris Crest Secondary school, I find myself now in an office in a company called Rockwell Collins. Time had really moved on. Sadly. How I would like to relive those years where we would line up for food and enjoy Nasi Lemak on those colored tables. Saddest of all I miss the PRCS Prom night. The night where I was supposed to say a final farewell to Pasir Ris Crest. I never had a chance to say farewell to her just leaving her like that. I just left like that without any explanation to any of my friends. This would always be my greatest regret in life, leaving without saying a final farewell. A gift that I never managed to give to Pasir Ris Crest for all those treasured memories. My heart will always be there. In that empty seat at 4/5 class room. In that empty seat at the trombone section. However the future is ahead. My greatest regret. Leaving without a final farewell.

Malik

2005-11-16T19:19:00.000-08:00

A lonely teenager stands by the edge of the rock formation staring at the vast sea in front of him. You ask him where he was planning to go and why he was looking at the vast sea of nothingness. He smiled to you and pointed up in respond. You panicked thinking that he was going to kill himself. You tried to counsel him telling him about life and the wonders it had to offer. He laughed at your efforts looking at you with glee. He tells you with laughter in the tone ‘No my friend you misunderstood me.’ ‘All my life I was pointing straight. I had moved from places to places with intention to stay yet I left each of them.’ he said in remorse. ‘So all my life I traveled to one place to another with my pointed in front till one day’. He continued. ‘A man old yet strong grabs my hand and forced my hand to point upwards but almost immediately I put it downwards pointing straight ahead instead. He gave me a tight slap and brought it upwards again. Yet it went down again. He stop and whispered words I will not forget and almost immediately my hands for the first time pointed up.’ ‘Did you know what he said to me?’ the teenager asked you. You looked at him puzzled waiting for a respond. The teenager smiled and tells you ‘He told me he believes in me.’ ‘He told me that they were many more who believe in me and then he said to me I had what I was seeking and it was time to soar.’ With a nod of his head the young man told you ' I am not going to kill myself, its just time for me to soar.' He then slowly walked away.

2005-11-14T18:18:00.000-08:00

Aikido start and end with respect as the class in unison thank Harry Sensei in one loud voice ‘Domo Arigato Gozaimas’ and continue to bow in respect to O sensei (founder of Aikido) picture then followed by the other sensei, sempai (seniors) and then friends. After quick mop up of the dojo (training hall) with cloth, I quickly went to the toilet. There I saw sensei lecturing my senior, I slow stop walking and listen to him. He was talking about pain, not to fear it and he was explaining to my senior about why he is so harsh. Suddenly he points towards me ‘…look at him ask him I always scold him now his good’ and then gives me a thumb up. Instead of swelling up with pride due to the fact that IT’S VERY HARD TO GET A COMPILEMENT FROM SENSEI I was scared. ‘No sensei don’t say that I am not good’ my heart whispered. I was afraid. I was afraid that I would fail him. After that day onwards I swore never to fail sensei. I am going to get a double promotion for the coming grading the very least I can give to him and the other sensei.

2005-11-07T20:43:00.000-08:00

Harry Ng Sensei the name itself shake fear even in the most experienced of Aikidoka. A nod of his head and a quick glance behind his back to look at the other Aikidoka in training is rewarding enough for anyone when this sensei observe them during their technique practice. His whiten hair and wrinkling skin itself bare testimonial of his years of long practice in refining his art. Memories of day’s pass long in formed of photographs found all over the dojo (training hall) most had Harry Ng sensei in them in his flowing hakama (Japanese skirt-like trousers) doing different types of technique. Every Monday in the dojo you are bound to hear the sudden scream of an elderly man, Harry Ng Sensei was a man of perfection and despised mistakes. I myself have been screamed at, but despite his rough handling of students. Students tend to forgive him because he was fair never sparing anyone even the other sensei from a sudden scream due to their error. I truly admire this man.

2005-11-06T20:10:00.000-08:00

One more month till I get my results for N levels and I am confident I’ll pass this time round. I am going to start math tuition with Uncle Ali soon even though the confirmation of my entry in secondary five is not confirmed because like my dad said Math is an opening door to the Diploma Courses in Polytechnic. Anyway I seriously feel left out from my peers, staying back has been very difficult for me especially in a new school with a different mind set. I get jealous seeing my other friends reassuring themselves that this is the last year of their secondary school life, I want to progress with them too but I can’t. I bought this on myself and I have no one to blame. I’ll be even more devastated if I don’t make it to Secondary Five next year. It will really be a waste of time then but like my sensei like to say always make the best of what you have and keep fighting on so must never give in no matter where I go. No matter the situation I’ll be a fighter.

Aikidoist

2005-11-01T18:05:00.000-08:00

Looking back at the past I laughed, I begining to miss my friends. Its such a pity that the old saying that friends come and go is true. All of us chossing different paths at the same time making communication almost impossible mine was the path back to the begining of Secondary Four which I hope will be a one that is worth it at a different school..a different world which is nothing of that which offers the safety and believe that PasirRis Crest has to offers.Yet I survive a year of it in one bit, N level results are coming again and yet once again will the come time whereby I have to enter that hall of the school with fear and hopefully leaving without any regrets. I still remember what Sensei told me during kendo class 'I doesn't matter how fast you go in success just dont give up. Sucess is a dependent on effort.' Should also not forgot what the Sensei at Aikido told me 'People fail because they dont believe maybe you always failed your math because you keep thinking you will fail.'I should really thank this two man...Maybe because of them I wouldn't have given up my habit of giving up.

2005-10-27T19:11:00.000-07:00

Damn bloody piss off yesterday because of someone. Well I am going to get half of my pay tomorrow and guess wht I'll be spending more than half of it. First half goes to parents and grandmother and another to Aikido and Kendo. Have to buy that damn Hakama(Japanese Skirt) someone stole mine. Guess how much it was when I ask the shop auntie. $120 !!!! Wow! Anyway found a book called Aikido Techniques & Tactics learned a lot out of it even though its a different style of Aikido. So always ready to slam someone on the floor....would be fun to spar with some ninja well you know how fast they can move ..hmm..must consider ANY WAY my sister my own flesh and blood rejected AIKIDO and wants to join Ninja-do instead,well its her choice.

Changes

2005-10-19T21:20:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of changes in my life and more to come. N level results will determine where the next education level would I soon take, just like most N level students O level ofcourse the key to dream jobs. Speaking about job my the nature of my job in Rockwell Collins I am holding is a boring and hard one. I have to scan mountains of boxes full of paper. Anyway Aikido and Kendo practice was fine thinking of dropping kendo too much things to do. Anyway to you I dont care about you anymore. I am free.

Worries

2005-10-15T07:09:00.000-07:00

Was it a harsh decision? When was moving on became so hard. I usually find myself dreaming about the loving times and sorrows we might shared if we were together. However, nonetheless it was never meant to be. Harsh words and plenty of shed tears were the outcome. It was just not your dream. Anyway starting work on Monday at RockWell Collions (I think it spell like that) an aircraft repair company as a kind of clerk very easy job, thanks to my uncle recommendation. Must also not forget to thank Nazurah for designing my new blog and thanks for that photo seriously I didn’t know when she took it.

2005-09-21T18:45:00.000-07:00

Do not mess with the aikidoka